His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?