Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.