But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record