By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night