im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.