I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.