I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.