Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.