Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (530)

Last Night in California (530)

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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

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(530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx

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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.

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(530): I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out. http://tfl.nu/bpyp

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Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.

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(530): Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade. http://tfl.nu/blkw

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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know

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(530): Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know http://tfl.nu/b7cw

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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy

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I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast

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(760): But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy (530): I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast http://tfl.nu/lbbf

Replies (11) Good night (3057) Bad night (411)
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Maybe I'm a robot.

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You can't be that drunk already

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(530): Maybe I'm a robot. (831): You can't be that drunk already http://tfl.nu/ekm7

Replies (8) Good night (1984) Bad night (472)
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.

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at least it wasnt animals

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(530): Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences. (1-530): at least it wasnt animals http://tfl.nu/kq9s

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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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(530): Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking. http://tfl.nu/izw9

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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.

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(530): It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle. http://tfl.nu/j4o3

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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

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(530): The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved. http://tfl.nu/1q3u

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it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam

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(530): it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam http://tfl.nu/24cr

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TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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(530): TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG. http://tfl.nu/gtt9

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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.

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(530): I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. http://tfl.nu/hz33

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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom

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(530): sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/p21d

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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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(530): So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right? http://tfl.nu/yok0

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Last Night in California (530)

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