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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just invented taco cereal.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
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