Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just invented taco cereal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.