Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (408)

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  (408): View more from California

  so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing

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  (408): so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing http://tfl.nu/s8yq
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  I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you

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  (408): I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you http://tfl.nu/72n4
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  You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.

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  (408): You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree. http://tfl.nu/igom
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  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

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  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
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  we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.

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  (408): we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good. http://tfl.nu/45si
  Replies (3) Good night (2046) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl

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  (408): So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl http://tfl.nu/o5bm
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  I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.

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  (408): I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident. http://tfl.nu/gd86
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  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

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  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1887) Bad night (25528)
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  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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  (408): Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission http://tfl.nu/3kcn
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  Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship

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  Last one there wins

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  (408): Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship (817): Last one there wins http://tfl.nu/wuri
  Replies (3) Good night (1851) Bad night (465)
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  I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate

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  (408): I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate http://tfl.nu/wgyo
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  You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.

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  (408): You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien. http://tfl.nu/6kyj
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  Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.

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  (408): Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities. http://tfl.nu/yskk
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  A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.

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  (408): A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe. http://tfl.nu/7qkp
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  She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit

  (1-408): View more from California

  I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards

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  (408): She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit (1-408): I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards http://tfl.nu/ssrb
  Replies (9) Good night (1688) Bad night (559)