Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Where is the hickey?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW