This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.