Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.