On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.