There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him