Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.