We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.