eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place