I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.