Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.