The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.