Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor