Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
third nipple confirmed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.