I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
third nipple confirmed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.