Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (952)

Last Night in Minnesota (952)

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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night

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(952): Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night http://tfl.nu/i23x

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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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(952): I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler. http://tfl.nu/21hn

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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.

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(952): I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was. http://tfl.nu/9bfo

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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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(952): I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/xnge

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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

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(952): pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient. http://tfl.nu/mkyj

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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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(952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw

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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

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(952): In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves. http://tfl.nu/jfec

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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

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(952): You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear http://tfl.nu/fvq9

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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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(952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb

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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.

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(952): i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware. http://tfl.nu/z086

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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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(952): Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home. http://tfl.nu/0k8h

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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.

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(952): we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point. http://tfl.nu/kfea

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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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(952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk

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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

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(952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy

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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.

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(952): my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck. http://tfl.nu/zv2o

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Last Night in Minnesota (952)

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