Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
third nipple confirmed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.