You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.