Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.