I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.