Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had