I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"