This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not