Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.