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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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