The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night