He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.