Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (904)

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  (904): View more from Florida

  It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.

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  (904): It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo. http://tfl.nu/jdtj
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  usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru

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  (904): usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru http://tfl.nu/ym2q
  Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (246)
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  But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.

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  (904): But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast. http://tfl.nu/ubtv
  Replies (7) Good night (1382) Bad night (406)
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  i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.

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  Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again

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  (904): i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying. (904): Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again http://tfl.nu/fp8z
  Replies (2) Good night (274) Bad night (701)
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  You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.

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  (904): You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/g46j
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  You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"

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  (904): You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!" http://tfl.nu/k8t0
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

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  (904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv
  Replies (3) Good night (915) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon

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  (904): We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon http://tfl.nu/g9lm
  Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (266)
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  We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy

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  (904): We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy http://tfl.nu/uv03
  Replies (8) Good night (1174) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee

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  (904): I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee http://tfl.nu/enfq
  Replies (18) Good night (579) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
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  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes

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  (904): I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes http://tfl.nu/m9rc
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  its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.

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  (904): its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go. http://tfl.nu/zvzo
  Replies (14) Good night (396) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
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  There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.

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  (904): There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's. http://tfl.nu/flhw
  Replies (5) Good night (752) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.

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  (904): That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots. http://tfl.nu/foo4
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt