He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore