I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.