Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.