Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!