Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.