I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I look better un-naked...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic