So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.