Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.