I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have poison ivy on my dick
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.