I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster