i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I look better un-naked...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!