God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."