You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.