Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.