Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (815)

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  He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.

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  (815): He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background. http://tfl.nu/8wbf
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  im sober

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  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

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  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
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  I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.

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  (815): I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room. http://tfl.nu/691w
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  we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.

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  (815): we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dsgm
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  thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.

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  (815): thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends. http://tfl.nu/i5k2
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  yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.

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  (815): yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead. http://tfl.nu/wa3x
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  Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?

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  (815): Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/an2z
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  Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.

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  (815): Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me. http://tfl.nu/oi7v
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  He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.

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  (815): He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT. http://tfl.nu/1ipa
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  How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?

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  (815): How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back? http://tfl.nu/7gwj
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  Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia

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  (815): Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia http://tfl.nu/lbzr
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  I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs

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  (815): I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs http://tfl.nu/01af
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  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

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  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
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  ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.

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  (815): ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates. http://tfl.nu/314n
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  Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

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  (815): Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess. http://tfl.nu/3e7p
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