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Last Night in Illinois (815)

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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?

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(815): at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar? http://tfl.nu/ozqc

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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.

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(815): I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere. http://tfl.nu/v3m6

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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?

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(815): Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train? http://tfl.nu/kbte

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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.

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(815): My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vh8b

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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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(815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114

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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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(815): Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime". http://tfl.nu/6eu2

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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

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(815): Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes? http://tfl.nu/tg6b

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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.

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(815): walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/3jcw

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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.

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(815): Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants. http://tfl.nu/z0pn

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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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(815): It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar.. http://tfl.nu/fcka

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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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(815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3

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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.

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(815): i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning. http://tfl.nu/0ff2

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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.

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(815): Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/6hnz

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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.

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(815): In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up. http://tfl.nu/thus

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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.

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(815): There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms. http://tfl.nu/aown

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Last Night in Illinois (815)

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