best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.