All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.