You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridgeðŸ¤”
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed