His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.