was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We are two peas in an std pod
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
