Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween