I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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