Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??