Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.