However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!