It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows