I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties