Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (518)

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  (518): View more from New York

  He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.

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  (518): He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one. http://tfl.nu/zjjj
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  (518): View more from New York

  I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.

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  (518): I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face. http://tfl.nu/ha5i
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game

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  (973): Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits? (518): I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game http://tfl.nu/j3xf
  Replies (7) Good night (1670) Bad night (383)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.

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  (518): I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures. http://tfl.nu/io2e
  Replies (3) Good night (1528) Bad night (353)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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  (518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k
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  (518): View more from New York

  We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer

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  (518): We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer http://tfl.nu/x68v
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  (315): View more from New York

  Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?

  (518): View more from New York

  Its called bad cop laid cop.

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  (315): Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for? (518): Its called bad cop laid cop. http://tfl.nu/7dnl
  Replies (9) Good night (3663) Bad night (533)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.

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  (518): Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg. http://tfl.nu/k1xd
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  (518): View more from New York

  We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America

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  (518): We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America http://tfl.nu/rqk9
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  (518): View more from New York

  Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!

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  (518): Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top! http://tfl.nu/ukef
  Replies (1) Good night (1351) Bad night (397)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical 

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  (518): We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical  http://tfl.nu/e1go
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  (518): View more from New York

  it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"

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  (518): it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out" http://tfl.nu/hlb2
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  (518): View more from New York

  I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.

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  (518): I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed. http://tfl.nu/jame
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  (518): View more from New York

  His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina

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  (518): His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina http://tfl.nu/49ay
  Replies (10) Good night (1132) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that

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  (518): Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that http://tfl.nu/9wbc
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