I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.