Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (518)

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  The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.

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  (518): The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke. http://tfl.nu/afl9
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  You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them

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  (518): You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them http://tfl.nu/vo2h
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  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
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  I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.

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  (518): I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments. http://tfl.nu/u4vb
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  Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.

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  (518): Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat. http://tfl.nu/lwgj
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  Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.

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  (518): Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew. http://tfl.nu/8r8n
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  He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.

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  (518): He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary. http://tfl.nu/x9c1
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  i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

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  (518): i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in?? http://tfl.nu/j32d
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  At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out

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  (518): At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out http://tfl.nu/bjrp
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  Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?

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  (518): Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped? http://tfl.nu/52bj
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  I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.

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  (518): I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave. http://tfl.nu/ne75
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  I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.

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  (518): I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice. http://tfl.nu/enx3
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  He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.

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  (518): He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong. http://tfl.nu/r133
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  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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  (518): Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs. http://tfl.nu/lvji
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  Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos

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  (518): Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos http://tfl.nu/5fyh
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