Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dating After Heartbreak
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"