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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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