I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...