There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is classic penis vs brain.