As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?