Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.