I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton