guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.