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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
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