Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself