You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.