If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that