why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis