I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.