I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.