I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit