3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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