While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.