Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (415)

Last Night in California (415)

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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.

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That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.

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(310): It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter. (415): That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere. http://tfl.nu/8y5r

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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...

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So no fakes?

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(415): So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail... (1-415): So no fakes? http://tfl.nu/49wz

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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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(415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10

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Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.

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(415): Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that. http://tfl.nu/2d02

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STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

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(415): STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU http://tfl.nu/78be

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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.

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(415): Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked. http://tfl.nu/gx9q

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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.

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(415): I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history. http://tfl.nu/x6ei

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my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked

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(415): my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked http://tfl.nu/w9k0

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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.

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(415): We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now. http://tfl.nu/4l2w

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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.

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(415): It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys. http://tfl.nu/8bog

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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.

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(415): She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision. http://tfl.nu/yqhh

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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

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Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

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HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

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(415): We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002. (916): Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening. (415): HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone. http://tfl.nu/fe9v

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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

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(415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt

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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.

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(415): Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits. http://tfl.nu/q1hp

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Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.

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(415): Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces. http://tfl.nu/n65u

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Last Night in California (415)

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